The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.
-Ursula K. Leguin
We’ve now been in the midst of this pandemic for months. As a mother, I usually have an ongoing concern for my children – Are they developing on track? Are they eating enough healthy foods? Are they getting enough sleep? In addition to normal parent questions, my concern and fear of raising a young black son and daughter include questions about their safety and future to just live. All of these concerns in addition to closed schools, a remote work environment with increasing job responsibilities has caused quite an emotional roller coaster. Over the past four months, I’ve learned more about myself and my resilience to stay well during it all.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
With the state of the world today, it’s only natural to have anxiety, frustration, and feelings of being overwhelmed. I get it. We don’t know what’s going to come next. What I’ve learned during this time is to acknowledge my feelings – ALL of them. There are days when I’m feeling pretty good. I’m happy to be healthy and safe at home. Other times, when I watch the news or scroll through social media, I’m frustrated, scared, and anxious of the days to come.
One of the mistakes I made was to try and ignore my feelings. How many of you put on a smile to grin and bear it? Or use the F word? Not THAT word! LOL! While there is a time and place to use that F word, I’m talking about using the word fine. How many times do you use the word as an answer to how you’re feeling when you are clearly not fine? For me, I used it all the time. Over the past few months, I’ve had to acknowledge and accept that I’m not feeling fine.
Accept the Uncertainty
In addition to acknowledging and accepting that I may not feel fine 100% of the time, I’ve learned that it is possible to accept this uncertain times. Think of the playing the lottery, going to a casino, or cheering for your favorite sports team. There’s no certainty in winning, but it’s fun to try, right? The same applies here.
Now, I didn’t get here overnight. As someone who spends a good amount of time planning, uncertainty is not the easiest thing to accept. Fortunately, I have compiled some tips that have helped me learn how to accept uncertainty.
Shift Your Mindset
Use this opportunity to see your problems in a new light. A year ago, where you complaining about long commutes to work, not being able to spend more time with your kids, or tackling home projects? As a result of the current situation, things may have changed for you. As someone who sees the value in a positive perspective, I try to keep a positive and gracious attitude. So yes, it’s challenging to work at home with two kids, but I’m thankful I don’t have to sit in traffic two hours a day. Plus, the extra hugs and cuddles from kids during the day serves as a reminder of what it is truly important.
Be Present
Now is a great time to be mindful – pay attention to the present moment. Using mindfulness can help with depression, anxiety, and loneliness. This article notes the many benefits mindfulness can have on your health. The future has and will remain to be uncertain. The last has come and gone. Rather than focus on the future, focus your time and energy by living in the present. As someone who sees the value in planning, I’ve had to switch my attention from more long term items to a more short term focus. So instead of planning what we are going to do for summer vacation in 2021, I’m looking up new games and activities I can do with the kids this week or scheduling a movie date night with my husband in the basement.
Be Kind to Yourself
During times of uneasiness, it’s common to want to do more for others. Tending to family and loved ones can be necessary and exhausting at the same time. With everything that is going on, it’s even more important to make time for yourself. You may not have hours to devote to yourself, but spending some time for yourself is extremely beneficial. I like to start and end my day thinking of the things I’m grateful for having in my life. As a result of this pandemic, I’ve started a new daily skincare routine and started back exercising on a regular basis to take care of myself.
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